In the center of my backyard (which still has a pretty decent carpeting of grass considering the time of year due to a warmer-than-usual Autumn) there's a Japanese Maple tree, sporting beautiful red leaves throughout the flourishing months. Now, yes, I know it's 'Fall', but just yesterday afternoon a single leaf still had yet to leave the branches. This morning, as I look into the yard, around the tree there's a blanket of red, sprinkled here and there with the golden yellow of leaves that have drifted into my yard from the neighbor's trees, and my little tree now holds only a handful of its still crayola-red leaves. Literally overnight nearly every leaf had fallen. Now, knowing me, I could look for some deep and revealing personal intuitive glimmer from this, but no.
Looking at that red and brief spattering of gold against the green backdrop made me just sort of smile, like Mother Nature herself is welcoming the Yule season just around the corner.

People may think I've gone and gotten Christian-y on them for saying that, but no. Yule is a Pagan thing that, like so many other things, was cannibalized for use in another religious belief that has deemed paganism as being a 'wrong' belief, but whatev, I didn't say this to start a religious debate, 'cause everyone is both wrong & right for different reasons when it comes to their personal beliefs- that is a self-inclusive statement, btw. I'm pretty sure I'm wrong about some of the things I think or hold dear, but the difference between me & a lot of self-professed 'religious types' is that I'm fully content with my beliefs. They're based on the things I've felt in my heart, the things that make sense to my- sometimes very unique- mind and on the moments in life that have brought me peace of both mind and spirit. I think it's for this reason that I've never understood terms like 'God-fearing'. That by a lot of people, it's considered a proper and even desirable trait to be God-fearing. What I never understood about it was that it's largely a Christian saying, when in the part of the Bible where Christianity is given birth, God is basically transformed from a jealous, wrathful, vengeful being as seen in the Old Testament into a loving, understanding, patient and forgiving force.

(Warning, this is turning more rambling than I'd thought it would be XD.)

I never understood why this turn-around wasn't explained, but then, God is supposed to be infallible, so, I guess then that it means that if any reason was given for God changing his ways, it would make it seem as though he was second-guessing himself or changing his mind which is something that an infallible being would have no need to do. And as for the Jesus thing, so people don't misunderstand my views, I do think he was real, he existed, he was a great philosopher, healer and leader. I also believe that he'd been a great thinker, perhaps ahead of his time, and that he maybe because of the type of person that he was, was tested. I don't think he was the son of a virgin & an all-powerful, all-knowing one god that runs the universe. But that's not to say the universe doesn't test people. I think, honestly, that he was tested, and if this man, who probably tried- like many of us, and yet still not enough of us- to see the good in humanity at all times could see the worst of humanity, all of its fears and anger and hatred and ugliness brought to the foreground, bared before him as he was ultimately tortured and murdered at the hands of these negative emotions and he could still forgive them, could still ask the god he so held dear not to punish them, than he passed a test for all of us. He proved that no matter how dark the times and no matter how ignorant the minds of the people, there was still hope for us.

That being said, I don't understand why people think it's so bad when you voice the idea that maybe, just maybe . . . Jesus really was just a man. I mean, for a being that was supposed to be divine, was supposed to be the actual son of a forgiving god, this would not have been an incredible feat. If they were the actions of a man, just as flesh and blood and fallible as the rest of us, than shouldn't that make his sacrifice that much more worthy? It should have made his message that much more potent, but for some irrational reason, it doesn't work that way.

That's why I don't understand. I may not be Christian, despite being raised in a Roman Catholic household, but my belief is why I will always have a respect for Christianity- because of what one man's message was, not because of the trappings later generations applied to it, not because of the atrocities committed by people claiming what they do is in the name of God. I think the true message of this man was forgotten long ago. And as for the people who feel it's their right to shove their beliefs down you throat and bombard your ears with their rhetoric because the bible tells them to go out and preach the 'word of the lord' . . . remind them that it says preach, which means to tell, not to brow beat until someone agrees with you. Just think of how many people fill the pews at church every sunday because of their fear that they might go to hell if they don't, rather than because it's what they truly believe. Doesn't that retract ultimately from what they are supposed to be accomplishing by adhering to the mandates of their religion? If God's all-knowing, than he'd know if you're pretending for the sake of appearances.

And (hopefully this will be the last I have to say) despite being Pagan, I do believe in the message that one man tried to give us. I do still think that there's hope for us. But it's waning and that is something that really and truly breaks my heart and weighs on my soul. We keep yo-yo'ing; we're on the verge of enlightenment- peace talks, charities, attention to our environment- then we're killing each other in droves and then back again. I don't watch the news if I can help it, nor do I read the paper other than for the fluffy fun of checking the horoscopes and no, that's not just 'cause I'm sick to death of the Twi-Crap Drama, either. This was a conscious decision I made long ago 'cause it seemed I couldn't do either without being confronted with the absolute worst that we're capable of. I've cried myself to sleep over stories of abused children, children I've never met half way around the world or across the country that I am powerless to help, and I think that makes it hurt more- that all i can ever do is beg the powers that be that in their next life, that innocent soul will find the peace and comfort they deserved, but were denied in this one. And I don't understand how some people can read these same stories and just go "Oh, that's such a shame, tsk," and turn the page.

Even some of the people closest to me have told me that these things affect me so much because I'm too sensitive. But I think that's wrong. I can't look at these snapshots of misery and go "oh, well, nothing I can do about it, it's sad, but I should just move on". Too many people seem to do that. And I don't think it's that I'm too sensitive, but that everyone else isn't sensitive enough. Maybe if more people were as 'overly sensitive' as I am, then these things wouldn't happen, or at least wouldn't happen so damned often.

And, I guess in that way, at least a part of my beliefs will never be wrong. I want people to understand how precious life is, how beautiful the world can be and how important cherishing the existence of not just ourselves, but of everyone else as well truly is.